in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
