It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
