i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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