So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
