"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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