I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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