Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
