I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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