i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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