My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize