I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
