If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
