Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
