I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize