Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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