Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I met the friendliest cop last night
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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