I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
