He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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