i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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