Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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