How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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