Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
