So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
