cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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