in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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