i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
