Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
