I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
