Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
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You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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