my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am available for nakedness
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
