I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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