I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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