the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
