So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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