Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So much Jack, so little girl.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
