i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
