If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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