I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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