apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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