She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
