I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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