Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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