I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
