no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.