did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I look better un-naked...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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