you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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