:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
