I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize