Where is the hickey?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
