Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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