I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
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I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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