took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
