I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
