my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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