Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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