Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
