if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
