Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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