Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have fence marks all over my body
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
