some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
