I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
