Do you still have your period?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
