hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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