chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So apparently I’m into choking now
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
