Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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