So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We have so much sex to catch up on
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
