"it" just moved
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
