Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
