The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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