hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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