im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
