remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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