I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
