Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
