ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
