you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
