Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
