I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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