Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
