Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize