also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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