Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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