Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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