literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
