Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
