He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Randomize
