Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
