I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
